Marriage: Andrew Burgerbox's Return
by mandez.the.pandez
Summary: It's been so long that Xandra and Andrew have been together. Everyone calls them Xandrew. Is it time for the next step? Will Andrew find the courage?
1. Alex's Version

"Thanks Leo," Audry said to the coffee man behind the counter at Starbucks. He was always there when she came in to get a cup of sugar packed tea and a cup of coffee with cream and sugar galore. He always joked about her having a sweet tooth as she grimaces at the bitter smell wafting out of the coffee cup.  
"See you tomorrow darling," he joked with her when he saw she left the few coins in change on the counter for him. She threw him a smile over her should as she backed out the door with a cup in each hand.  
She expertly, from months of habit, vaulted herself into the driver seat of her worn out Ford truck. Setting the coffee cup in the farthest cup holder from her, she hooked her foot under the door and swung it towards her. It latched and locked as soon as she put the key into the ignition.  
As she scooted her bum over to the middle of the seat she heard a horrid rending sound of cloth splitting from cloth. She looked how, horrified, at her long skirt that had gotten caught in the door as it swung shut that now has a sizeable hole where the two different fabrics were sewn together.  
"Oh cheese," she exhaled, frustrated. "Of all days this had to happen to me today. In this skirt of course. New, did you know?" she asked to no body in particular. She might have been asking Henry, but he was unlikely to respond. He just sat, humming quietly, as she opened his door and pulled in her skirt. She promptly fastened her seat belt and put him into gear. Henry pulled through the parking space and headed off to the main road.  
"Hey hun," she said with a warm smile to Aden. He looked up from his desk in his room. He had been studying all night for finals that were coming up this week. If he did well, as he always did, he's finally graduate from the academy after studying for four years. Audry had graduated from her collage of choice a year ago, so she was free to make these visits when ever she pleased.  
"Oh are you a sight for sore eyes!" he exclaimed as he pushed his chair back and all but launched himself at her, stopping only at her exclamation of "HOT COFFEE!"  
He grinned at her and grabbed his cup, set it down on the deck and swooped her up in his arms to kiss her happily.  
"It's nice to see you too," Audry said calmly, after catching her breath. Aden grinned at her once more before turning to grab his coffee.  
"Ah ah ah!" Audry said putting a hand on his arm. She stepped over to the desk and set her drink down near his. "One more kiss before you contaminate yourself with that stuff."  
Her arms, now free of coffee and tea, were flung around his neck as she kissed him soundly.  
When he let her down, she grabbed her cup and finished off her tea before asking, "do you have a needle and thread lying around by chance?"  
"Oh sure," he said after mulling it over a mouth of coffee. Audry sat on the edge of his cot and watched him rut through his small, dorm closet for the needle and thread. He came out triumphant with a sewing bag in his hands.  
"What do you need this for?"  
"Oh, I just got a rip in my skirt and I wanted to mend it before it got much bigger," she replied, showing him the unfortunate gash in the left side of the poor skirt.  
He knelt to one knee before her, ignoring her hands that were asking for the supplies to patch up the fabric. He deftly threaded the needle as she started to protest.  
"Hey. No. This is MY skirt. I broke it. I fix it. And when did you lean to sew any way? And what makes you think I'd trust your fingers around this delicate fabric eh?"  
He just smile up at her from his one knee. Her heart stopped. One knee. Her brain went in to lala land at 100 mph, with no intention of returning. It went so far so fast she didn't hear his explanation of where he learned to sew and how he was not gay.  
"Audry?" he asked, waving his hand in front of her. He had finished with the small rent in her skirt and was putting everything back in it's pouch when he realized his normally talkative girlfriend had been silent through his explanation.  
She popped back and looked at her skirt and how neatly it was fixed. She looked back up at him and realized, by the tone o his voice, she had totally spaced out and missed something.  
"Oh!" she said, blushing very slightly. "I'm sorry. I just. My brain went somewhere else when you did that."  
"Did what?" he asked, knowing the answer full well, but wanting her to explain what she was thinking.  
"When you did the whole knee thing."  
"What, this?" he asked, getting on his knee and holding her left hand in his. A grin broke out across his face while he watched her eyes glaze over again to lala land where it was raining 14karot gold rings with diamonds set in them.  
She yanked her hand away with a smile on her face. "Don't do such devilish things to a woman with hopes." She stuck up her nose and walked the few steps it took to the other side of the room. Crossing her arms, she stood ridged with her back away from him so he couldn't see her smile trying to break through her playfulness. He came over, wrapping his arms around her and trying to kiss her cheek at least. She leaned away from him with her smile breaking through. For several minutes they wrestled. Him for a kiss, her to escape.  
Aden finally was finished with the playing around, so he scooped up her tiny frame and dumped her on his bed, towering over her to trap her with his body. With no where to run he planted a huge one right on her until he felt her give in. Softer kisses followed until they were simply cuddling.  
"You're a tease," said Audry.  
"Oh? How so?" Aden inquired mildly.  
"This far into a relationship, you're not allowed to go on one knee unless you've a ring in your pocket."  
"Oh, my love. I promise no more going down on one knee."  
"Hey, I didn't say never! Just not unless you mean it!"  
"Hun?"  
"Yes?"  
"I love you."


	2. What She Meant

'Thanks, Leo,' Xandra said to the handsome, muscular man behind the counter, his pecs squeezed into a green apron that had the words 'Green Coffee' emblazoned on the chest. She took the two cups of coffee from him and shot him a beatific smile. 'Oh, wait,' she said, the grin dropping from her perfect face.  
'Don't say a word,' Leo said, winking. He lifted from behind the register an entire bag of sugar. 'I know how you roll. No one else likes their coffee this sweet.'  
'Yeah, well, I'm different,' said Xandra rapturously, and Leo felt weak in the knees.  
As Xandra flipped her long, curled, red hair over one shoulder and began to pour the sugar straight into one of the coffee cups, Leo let his blue eyes slip to the cup. On the side, he had written in Sharpie: 'I love you, Xandra.' He was sure she knew how he felt for her by now, but there was another. Another man who had stolen Xandra away from him.  
'You know, you've been getting coffee from me for so long,' he said thoughtfully as the last few crumbs of sugar fell into the coffee. 'I feel like we're really good friends. And… I was wondering…'  
'What was that, Leo?' Xandra's emerald eyes gleamed at him like two supernovas. They were incandescent, shining, and they pierced his very soul.  
'I was just…' Leo was at a loss for words. She was so beautiful.  
'Oh,' said Xandra perfectly; 'I have to go!' Her immaculate, opal-white teeth gleamed at him, making him want to take her on the counter. 'My man is waiting for me.'  
Leo felt his heart hop into his mouth, and he gagged on the horrible words she had just let escape from her wonderful, candy-pink lips. He couldn't find the ability to speak until she was already passing through the door, which was being held for her by two of Leo's coworkers, who were also in love with her. As she slipped through the door, Leo finally managed to call to her, 'See you tomorrow! …darling…'  
'G'bye,' she called, unignorably gorgeous. Leo watched her shining, auburn curls bounce their way across the parking lot, the sunlight reflecting off of her head and making her look like the angel he was sure she was.  
'Goodbye, Xandra,' he whispered, tears in his eyes. 'Goodbye.'

One of Leo's coworkers had followed Xandra to her old, worn-out, red, diesel-run Ford pickup truck, all over which she had painted green and blue peace signs, to indicate to the world how much she loved the environment. 'Xandra, Xandra, o my goddess, Xandra,' he wept, on his knees.  
How dare he? He knew she had a boyfriend, as everyone must, because one of her bumper stickers read, _I have a man-pet who worships me_. She briefly considered dumping the coffee on his head, but then she felt a pang of pity. She sighed at him, his poor, sickening, snot-coated face. He seemed to glisten in his sniveling, pathetic deification of her. She did know she was nigh irresistible, and it was for this reason that she had mercy for him. 'Please,' he begged, a snot bubble expanding from his left nostril like a hot air balloon filling with its namesake. 'Let me just touch you. Just once.'  
'You may touch the bottoms of my feet with your back,' Xandra consented kindly. The man crouched, on his hands and knees, in a puddle of oil and vomit, and she placed her dainty foot on his back, using him as a stepstool to get into her gigantic vehicle. 'Someday,' she whispered, as she planted her small frame in the giant, leather-upholstered seat; 'you will find a female snot-monster who will reciprocate your tiny, insignificant feelings.'  
The man gave her one grateful, passionate nod, and Xandra yanked on the door, catching his head with it and knocking him onto the parking lot. As he fell, he grabbed her long, flowing skirt, for which she had woven the fabric by hand. The sickening sound of fabric tearing filled Xandra with horror; she knew immediately what had happened. 'He tore my skirt,' she whispered to the rip. 'He tore it. He tore it!'  
She knew she had brought it upon herself by being lenient to one of her many suitors.  
She had to see him now. It was his job to lift her up when the happenings of life cast her into the bottomless pits of heartbreak and despair. Always the job of her manservant. She penetrated the keyhole with its corresponding key and thusly started her massive truck, which was named Alvin Herbert John McHenry Jackson Huckleberry Tubman Chip; Alvin Herbert John McHenry Jackson Huckleberry Tubman Chip veered onto the highway, and she made her way to see him.

When she arrived at Andrew's house, Xandra knew she had to make a statement. First, she somersaulted onto the front porch and struck a pose; she rang the doorbell with her pointed toe. After a beat, the door swung open to reveal a riled-up, frothing Mrs. Burgerbox.  
'What do you heah?' she demanded, Asian spittle speckling Xandra's wonderful face.  
'I'm here to see Andrew,' purred Xandra, lifting her foot and wedging it behind her head.  
'Andwew have mo impotant ting do den see girl!' snapped Mrs. Burgerbox, stomping her tiny feet and scrunching up her face into the world's most hideous grimace.  
Xandra could not understand Andrew's mother; in fact, to her, she wasn't even speaking words. Mrs. Burgerbox was still yelling, and her speech was like music, a background soundtrack to Xandra's beauty and genius. A new statement, Xandra suddenly realised, had to be made. She balanced the coffees on top of her lovely, shimmering head, and began to scale a branchless tree, which coiled around the entire perimeter of the house, and then arched past Andrew's bedroom window. She climbed the entire length of the tree, accompanied by the fading sound of Mrs. Burgerbox's squawking, and slipped gloriously into Andrew's room; his brown eyes lit up with the glee and passion of a thousand excited schoolgirls as soon as they caught sight of her. First, he stood and simply drank her in, the divine, gleaming wonder emanating from her smile like steam from a fresh-grilled mother doe. Then, he stood from his spot at his desk and slowly approached her.  
'I have been dying to see you,' he cried. 'I never see you, now that you're so busy completing your quadruple-major and sextuple-minor, in addition to your part-time membership in the Justice League! I… I need to have you. I need to have you now.'  
He rushed at her all at once, like Xandra's incredible truck at a bunny in the road; nothing could have stopped him from tearing the clothes from her knock-out body, except her words:  
'Hot coffee.'  
'Oh,' he said, pleased. He took the coffee from her and lifted it to his lips; then, he stopped short. 'Oh, no, your skirt, your beautiful skirt,' he sobbed, having noticed her destroyed skirt. His eyes were soft and sympathetic. 'Was it one of the guys who are in love with you again?'  
Stunning tears welled in her gleaming, green eyes, perching on her long lashes like small, made-up Russian women, preparing to stun the judges with a perfect dive into the huge Olympic swimming pool. One tear slid from her lashes and plummeted downward, in slow-motion. Andrew's heart split up into several unclean pieces, and he seized her body, enveloping her in his large frame, as if he were a gelatinous sludge, trying to consume her within himself. He almost wished he could do so, so that she would never leave him alone again, as she so often did, at her incredible university, full of male models and actors and dancers, who, he was sure, were far superior to him in every way.  
Xandra performed her fantastic ability to read his mind, and whispered lovingly in his ear: 'But I always come back to _you_, don't I?' He blushed, took her shoulders, and held her before him, as always, in awe of her. It was true that she always returned to him and him alone, save for a few others; she received a different marriage proposal every day, but she was holding out for one in particular. If only Andrew could summon the courage to ask her. 'After all,' she continued, the hem of her silky blouse slipping sensually from her shoulder; 'who else is going to fix my skirt?'  
'You wheah skirt no bweak! You awfo awfo girl! No one like! You shame! Shaaame!' bellowed Mrs. Burgerbox from the doorframe, where she had suddenly materialised moments before.  
Andrew gave Xandra his typical, sheepish, loving grin. 'I have just the tool for the job,' he told her softly. He reached knowingly into his underpants. Xandra merely smiled and cocked one eyebrow.  
'You put back! You put back! She no give!' wailed Mrs. Burgerbox, kicking the doorframe repeatedly.  
From his pants, Andrew produced a sewing needle, which he threaded deftly. He dropped down on one manly knee and sewed Xandra's skirt perfectly, in one smooth movement.  
Against the backdrop of Mrs. Burgerbox's screeching and Xandra's pounding heart, the latter fell into a moment of reverie. Andrew, on one knee, gazing up at her, peering into her eyes… It was like… It resembled…  
'Xandra?'  
She shook her head, her marvelous curls bouncing back and forth like a cheerleader's pom-poms, and fell to Earth from her daydream. 'O-oh,' she breathed, as he stood. 'I was just… My mind went elsewhere.'  
'Where did it go?' asked Andrew reverently.  
The image of Andrew on one knee flashed through her mind again and again. _Why does this thought keep going through my brain? _Xandra demanded of herself; then she realised it was because Mrs. Burgerbox had taken a Polaroid of it, and was repeatedly pushing it in her face.  
'Will nevah happen! Nevah!' she wailed to Xandra, whose amazing mouth formed the most beautiful O that Andrew had ever laid eyes upon; he covered his face, sobbing.  
'Won't it?' Xandra whispered to herself. She began to turn away from him and his animal-like mother, to escape out the window and into the warm arms of her pet Bigfoot, Twinkletoes. Twink always understood. Always. He would soothe her heartbreak.  
'No, wait,' Andrew croaked, taking her left hand. In a moment of heated calculation, he reached into his pocket. 'Xandra. My love,' he said. 'I was going to wait until I graduated, but…' His ears flushed a warm hue of pink. From his pocket, he produced a purple velvet box, about the size of his large, meaty fist, and he held it up before her. 'But I can't wait anymore. I want you to be mine.' A single, manly tear grew in his slanted eye, and slid swiftly down his cheek. 'Forever.'  
'What are you saying, Andrew?' asked Xandra, blushing and averting her dazzling eyes.  
'What I'm saying, Xandra… What I'm saying is…' Andrew popped the box open, revealing the largest diamond Xandra had ever seen; it shone almost as brightly as her eyes, which she measured to be brighter than the North Star by three and a half points. 'I carved this diamond for you, Xandra,' Andrew told her, shaking. 'Just like I will carve our life for you. For us. Xandra.' He took a deep breath.  
Mrs. Burgerbox released one indefinite howl, and over his mother's disapproval, Andrew asked his question, the question he had been holding inside his heart since the wonderful day he laid eyes upon the beautiful, beautiful Xandra.  
'Will you marry me?'

The wedding was the largest the world had ever seen; everyone in the countries of Russia, India, Great Britain, and Texas attended, sniffling and applauding at the mere sight of Xandra's and Andrew's initials together in the flower wreath. Instead of the wedding march, Xandra walked down the aisle, in her glimmering green Elvin princess gown, to 'Achy Breaky Heart,' sashaying around the altar a few times before stepping up to take Andrew's hands.  
And instead of following the direction of "You may kiss the bride," she mounted Andrew and took his virginity before the entire audience; everyone cheered.  
She is currently pregnant with their twins, who are to be named Keene and Duvessa. She plans on calling them both Alex.


End file.
